Co-Sleeping 101: How Sleeping With Your Baby Supports Their Mental Health
We've all been there – it's 3 AM, and you’re desperately trying to soothe your wide-awake baby while you're so tired you can barely keep your eyes open. In those bleary-eyed moments, the thought of just curling up with your little one for a few hours of peaceful sleep can be incredibly tempting. That's where co-sleeping comes in – a practice that’s been around for centuries but often gets a bad rap in today’s parenting circles.
But what if I told you that co-sleeping might actually be the secret to not only safer sleep but also to more sleep for everyone involved? And as a bonus, it could even give your little one’s mental health a boost. In this post, we’re going to dive deep into the world of co-sleeping, exploring what it is, why it’s so controversial, and how it could be the game-changer your family needs.
What Exactly Is Co-Sleeping?
Cosleeping is exactly what it sounds like – parents and children sleeping in close proximity to one another. So instead of sending your little one to their own room down the hall or on the other side of the house – you sleep with them close by.
Are Co-Sleeping and Bed Sharing the Same Thing? Types Of Co-Sleeping
The answer to this question is yes and no. Bed sharing is indeed a type of cosleeping arrangement, but snuggling up in the same bed isn’t the only way you can practice cosleeping. Some of the main ways families co-sleep include:
Bed-Sharing: Bed-sharing involves parents and children sleeping together in the same bed. This is perhaps the most well-known form of cosleeping and is practiced in many cultures around the world. It allows for close physical contact, which can be soothing for both the child and the parents. However, bed-sharing comes with its own set of guidelines to ensure safety (which We’ll touch on later).
Room-Sharing: Room-sharing means the child sleeps in the same room as the parents but in a separate sleep space. This could be a crib, bassinet, or a sidecar arrangement where the baby's crib is attached to the parents' bed. Room-sharing allows for the benefits of proximity—such as easier nighttime feeding and comfort—while maintaining a separate sleep space for the baby.
Family Bed: In some households, cosleeping involves more than just parents and an infant. The family bed is a larger bed where multiple family members, including siblings, sleep together. This arrangement fosters a strong sense of family bonding and security but requires careful consideration of space, comfort, and safety for everyone involved.
Chest Sleeping: Chest sleeping involves the baby sleeping directly on a parent's chest. This form of co-sleeping is particularly common in the early months of a baby's life. The skin-to-skin contact provided by chest sleeping has been shown to stabilize the baby's heart rate and breathing. This position also encourages frequent arousals, which can be protective against SIDS. Additionally, chest sleeping fosters a deep bond between parent and baby, creating a sense of security and attachment.
Now if you live in the U.S. or any other Westernized country you’re probably thinking, “Hold up, pump the brakes….isn’t sleeping with your baby dangerous though?!”
Wait, Isn’t Co-Sleeping Dangerous?
Cosleeping has garnered a reputation for being dangerous – particularly in Western societies. Concerns often center around the risk of suffocation, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), and accidental injury. These risks are indeed valid and should not be dismissed lightly.
But simply dismissing cosleeping as a hazard and painting it as a dangerous practice that no parents should ever practice doesn’t tell the whole story – not even close. Because the truth is, our ancestors have been raising babies and sleeping alongside them for many many generations – long before the laundry list of associations and professional guidelines that exist nowadays to tell us how to parent.
In fact, most cultures around the world still practice co-sleeping (just like all of our ancestors did).
Co-Sleeping Is Natural: The Prevalence Of Co-Sleeping WorldWide
Cosleeping is not only natural but also the norm in many parts of the world. In numerous cultures, parents and children sleeping together is seen as essential for fostering strong family bonds and ensuring the child's safety and well-being. For instance, in Japan, it's common for mothers and babies to sleep together on futons, and in many African and South American communities, family members share sleeping spaces out of tradition and necessity.
Historically, cosleeping was the standard practice. Before the advent of separate nurseries and cribs – families would sleep together for warmth, protection, and convenience. This long-standing tradition underscores that cosleeping is deeply rooted in human history and evolution, reflecting our natural inclinations towards close, nurturing relationships.
Many cultures actually find it bizarre and even bordering cruel to force small children to sleep all alone rather than support them while in close proximity during sleep. But despite the fact that co-sleeping is biologically 100% normal for pretty much all mammals – humans included – the number one concern that all parents have (and rightfully so) surrounds SIDS or sudden infant death syndrome.
But Can Co-Sleeping Cause SIDS?
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome or SIDS is something every parent fears. SIDS is the sudden and unexplained death of an otherwise healthy infant – typically occurring during sleep. It is sometimes referred to as "crib death" because it often happens when a baby is sleeping in their crib. SIDS is most common in infants between one and four months old and usually strikes during sleep at night. Despite extensive research, the exact cause of SIDS remains unknown.
So, this question of whether or not cosleeping can contribute to SIDS requires a nuanced answer. Because when done in an unsafe manner, cosleeping can indeed up the risk of SIDS (don’t worry, we’ll go over this more in a minute). If you’re a parent, chances are you’ve heard lots and lots of information about the dangers of sleeping or bedsharing and SIDS.
But what pediatricians and well-meaning “experts” usually leave out is the fact that, when done safely, cosleeping can actually drastically decrease the risk of SIDS.
How Cosleeping Can Reduce the Risk Of SIDS and Support Your Baby's Well-Being
Yes, you read that right – when done properly, co-sleeping can reduce the risk of SIDS. Here’s how:
Increased Arousal Frequency:
When babies sleep in close proximity to their parents, they tend to experience more frequent arousals. These light sleep cycles help prevent the baby from falling into very deep sleep, where they might be less responsive to physiological challenges such as breathing difficulties.
In addition, research by Dr. James McKenna has shown that co-sleeping babies tend to synchronize their arousal patterns with their mothers – which can help regulate their breathing and heart rate.
Enhanced Breastfeeding:
Co-sleeping makes breastfeeding more convenient, which encourages more frequent feedings. Frequent nursing keeps babies in a lighter sleep state and helps maintain a stable breathing pattern. Studies have also proven that breast milk contains nutrients and antibodies that support the baby’s immune system and overall health – which can also significantly reduce the risk of SIDS.
But even if you’re not breastfeeding, sleeping in close proximity can make it easier for you to recognize and respond to your baby’s hunger cues at night – allowing you to feed more frequently and maintain a more stable breathing pattern.
Better Monitoring:
Watching your baby through a baby monitor while they sleep in a separate room simply isn’t going to allow you to monitor them quite like sleeping right beside them. Parents who co-sleep are more attuned to their baby’s breathing patterns and movements.
This increased awareness allows parents to quickly respond to any signs of distress, such as changes in breathing or body position. The close physical proximity allows parents to provide immediate comfort and assistance if the baby shows signs of discomfort or distress, reducing the risk of suffocation or other issues.
Optimal Sleep Environment:
Babies sleeping close to their parents can better regulate their body temperature, preventing overheating, which is a known risk factor for SIDS. The parent’s body can help maintain a comfortable and safe sleep temperature for the baby.
And when co-sleeping is properly planned for, you can ensure your baby is sleeping in a safely prepared co-sleeping environment – reducing the risk of suffocation or entrapment compared to some solitary sleep environments.
Reduction of Unsafe Sleep Practices:
Fear of co-sleeping can lead some sleep-deprived parents to accidentally fall asleep with their baby on a sofa or armchair – which is significantly more dangerous. Proper co-sleeping, on a safe sleep surface, eliminates these high-risk scenarios.
You see, in cultures where co-sleeping is the norm, there is often a lower incidence of SIDS. Suggesting this fear of co-sleeping and subsequent “accidental” instances of co-sleeping (like in an armchair or other unsafe environment) is a key factor in the higher rate of SIDS in many Westernized countries.
Enhanced Settling and Sleep Quality:
Bedsharing allows infants to sleep in close proximity to their parents, which can help them settle more easily and experience more restful sleep. Research by McKenna indicates that infants who bedshare often experience more regular sleep patterns and fewer instances of waking up distressed.
So you’re probably wondering why on earth cosleeping gets such a bad rap then if it can actually protect against SIDS if done correctly. There’s got to be a catch right? Let’s look at why exactly cosleeping tends to be so frowned upon in Westernized countries.
Ok, So Why Is Co-Sleeping Considered Bad Or Dangerous In Westernized Countries?
There are likely a combination of reasons why cosleeping has faced significant criticism in Westernized countries. Some of these cultural, societal, and practical factors might include:
Modern Lifestyle Challenges: Today's fast-paced lifestyles often leave parents too busy and too sleep-deprived to engage in safe cosleeping practices. And without adequate support systems, parents may struggle to manage the demands of modern life, increasing the likelihood of unsafe sleep practices.
Increased Risk Factors: In many Westernized countries, there are much higher rates of smoking, alcohol consumption, and medication use among parents – increasing the dangers associated with co-sleeping.
Unsafe Sleep Environments: The common use of heavy blankets, pillows, and soft mattresses can create hazardous sleeping conditions for babies.
Cultural Norms and Values: Western cultures often prioritize individuality and independence, leading to a preference for infants sleeping in their own cribs and rooms from an early age.
Focus on Parental Needs: There is a strong cultural focus on getting parents back into the workforce as soon as possible, which can lead to practices aimed at prioritizing parental sleep and convenience over infant needs.
Fear of Cosleeping: Widespread fear and misinformation about the risks of cosleeping lead many parents to avoid it altogether. However, this fear can backfire, resulting in parents inadvertently falling asleep with their baby in more dangerous locations like armchairs or sofas, which significantly increases the risk of SIDS.
One-Size-Fits-All Messaging: Public health campaigns often emphasize the dangers of bed-sharing without distinguishing between safe and unsafe cosleeping practices, leading to blanket recommendations against it.
Workforce Reentry: Societal pressures to return to work quickly can result in parents seeking sleep training methods that promote solitary sleep, thereby discouraging co-sleeping.
Limited Parental Leave: Short maternity and paternity leaves can force parents to prioritize their own rest and recovery in preparation for returning to work, often at the expense of natural parenting practices like cosleeping.
Evolving Healthcare Practices: The increase in SIDS incidents coincided with significant changes in healthcare approaches for infants (like an increase in childhood shot schedule) leading to heightened scrutiny and debate. Some believe that these shifts, including the introduction of new medical recommendations and practices, may have unintended consequences that need careful examination and further research.
These factors collectively contribute to the negative perception of cosleeping in Westernized countries. While the concerns are valid, they often stem from broader societal issues rather than the practice of cosleeping itself.
So, if the deck is sort of stacked against us, is it possible to cosleep safely?
Can Co-Sleeping Be Done Safely?
The answer to this question is – yes! There are countless families all over the world that make cosleeping work for them. And unfortunately, many professionals do families a major injustice by discouraging co-sleeping and even shaming parents who inquire about it or confess that they’ve been co-sleeping.
Because safely co-sleeping really isn’t that complicated. And you are more than capable of creating a safe co-sleeping environment if you follow some simple guidelines.
Practical Tips For Safe Co-Sleeping: The Safe Sleep Seven
Cosleeping can be a safe and beneficial practice when done thoughtfully and with proper precautions. The Safe Sleep Seven guidelines are grounded in scientific understanding, aiming to create a secure environment that supports the health and safety of both infants and parents.
The following have been coined “ The Safe Sleep Seven”:
Non-Smoking Parents:
Both parents should be non-smokers. Exposure to cigarette smoke, whether during pregnancy or around the baby, increases the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Smoking compromises the baby's respiratory function and increases vulnerability to respiratory infections, which are associated with higher rates of SIDS.
Sober and Alert Caregivers:
Parents should abstain from alcohol, recreational drugs, and medications that induce drowsiness. These substances can impair parental awareness and responsiveness during sleep, potentially leading to accidental suffocation or injury to the infant. Staying sober ensures that caregivers can quickly respond to the baby's needs, reducing risks associated with co-sleeping.
Breastfeeding Mother:
Breastfeeding provides numerous benefits that contribute to safer cosleeping. Breast milk contains components that promote lighter sleep cycles for infants, allowing them to awaken more easily and frequently. This reduces the risk of SIDS compared to formula-fed infants who tend to experience deeper, less arousable sleep states. Breastfeeding also supports easier nighttime feeding sessions, enhancing maternal-infant bonding and reducing the likelihood of sleep-deprived parents falling into unsafe sleep practices.
Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t co-sleep if you’re not exclusively breastfeeding. Whether you’re pumping and bottle-feeding or your little one is on formula, you can certainly still make co-sleeping work, it’s just important to be mindful that it isn’t the ideal or optimal scenario for co-sleeping.
Healthy, Full-Term Baby:
Healthy, full-term babies are developmentally prepared for cosleeping. Their neurologic systems are sufficiently mature to regulate sleep patterns and respond to environmental stimuli, such as parental movements or sounds. Premature infants or those with medical conditions may lack these developmental milestones, increasing their vulnerability to SIDS or accidental suffocation. Consultation with a healthcare provider is crucial to assess the safety of co-sleeping for these infants.
Back Sleeping Position:
Back to Sleep: Placing the baby on their back for sleep is the single most effective strategy to reduce the risk of SIDS. This sleep position helps maintain an open airway, decreases the likelihood of obstructed breathing, and minimizes the risk of carbon dioxide rebreathing. Babies placed on their stomachs or sides during sleep have a higher incidence of SIDS due to impaired respiratory mechanics and decreased arousal responses to hypoxic or hypercapnic challenges.
Safe Sleep Surface/ Firm Mattress:
A firm sleep surface provides optimal support and minimizes the risk of suffocation or positional asphyxia. Infants lack the muscular strength and coordination to reposition themselves if their face becomes obstructed by soft bedding or a sagging mattress. A firm mattress ensures a stable sleeping environment, reducing the risk of accidental rollover or entrapment between the mattress and bed frame.
Minimal Bedding/ Avoid Loose Bedding:
Keeping the sleep environment free from pillows, heavy blankets, and loose bedding reduces the risk of suffocation and overheating. Soft bedding materials can obstruct the infant's airway or cause entrapment, increasing the likelihood of accidental injury or death during sleep. Instead, dressing the baby in lightweight, breathable sleep clothing helps regulate body temperature without compromising safety.
By understanding the scientific rationale behind each of the Safe Sleep Seven guidelines, parents can confidently implement safe cosleeping practices that promote infant health and well-being. These evidence-based recommendations underscore the importance of creating a secure sleep environment that supports natural developmental milestones and reduces the risk of preventable sleep-related incidents.
My Own Journey With Co-Sleeping
When I had my first baby, I had every intention of room-sharing. But as a former registered nurse, I had heard all the warnings about the dangers of bed-sharing or being in too close of proximity when sleeping with your baby. But all that changed when my little guy hit what they call the 4-month sleep regression (although I like to call them a sleep leap since it’s really a time of major progression, not regression).
Instead of sleeping peacefully in his bedside bassinet for several hours at a time, he was up just about every 30 minutes. He would only fall back to sleep in my arms and would wake up within just a few minutes of putting him back into his bassinet. After a couple of weeks, to say I was exhausted was an understatement.
So one night I decided, screw it, we both desperately need some sleep – so why not let him sleep with me. I did some research on how to safely co-sleep and prepared a sleeping area in my living room.
That night, he spent the entire night cuddled up on my chest. And it was the best sleep we had in weeks. From that point, there was no looking back, I was converted. Now, I can’t even imagine not sleeping in bed with my little guy and I can’t wait to co-sleep with baby number 2 when the time comes.
More Resources For the Benefits Of Co-Sleeping and How To Do It Safely
Whether you’re in the trenches of dealing with sleepless nights and are desperate for a way to get more rest, or you’re simply curious about co-sleeping, it’s super important to educate yourself to make the best decision and create the safest set-up for you and your family. So here are a few resources to help you learn more about co-sleeping:
Of course, co-sleeping will look a little different for everyone, but these resources are a great place to start.
Have You Tried Co-Sleeping?
Co-sleeping may not be for everyone. But it’s time we stop demonizing this perfectly natural way of sleep. Because our babies are hardwired for connection – not being left to cry it out alone in a crib.
So mama, if you’re feeling the pull to listen to your gut and your mother’s intuition but it seems like it gets drowned out by all the noise out there telling you that you can’t trust your instincts….then you’re in the right place. Around here we’re all about cultivating motherhood exactly the way God and nature intended.